You, Me, and BPD

For nons in a relationship involving Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar and/or PTSD


Borderline Personality Disorder Support Group and Some Thoughts


Borderline Personality Disorder Support Group and Some Thoughts

So last night I attended the support group for Borderline Personality Disorder that is located here in Houston, Tx, with my wife @Messyartoflvng. The group is run in part by @CarlDunnJr and last night we watched a couple videos featuring Marsha Linehan, PhD. The first video If Only We Had Known: A Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (Program 1 – Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder) went over Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder and it was a bit intense, especially for my wife. The video featured about 4 or 5 different people that suffered from BPD and their family members, with some professional thoughts and clarifications inserted by Marsha Linehan. There were a couple stories that I could really relate to especially when it came to marriage and family life.

In general yesterday was not the best day and there were a few episodes during the day, so I think this made the video even more intense for me and my wife. The important part for me was to notice her pain and reach out to make physical contact (hand holding). This can help give a sufferer a sense that you do still care, even if there was a bad argument, and that you are still there for them. Countless times my wife has told me after a raging episode that all she needed from me was for me to reach out and give her a hug or make physical contact. As a “non” this is not always easy, I mean who really wants to hug someone that has been yelling at them intensely for hours on end, it just goes against “our” reality. However, at the end of the day, we need to understand that our reality is not their reality and many times this is something that they need. At times like this, I try to take a few minutes to get my emotions in check and then attempt to reach out to my loved one.

The second video From Suffering to Freedom: Practicing Reality AcceptanceFrom Suffering to Freedom: Practicing Reality Acceptance covered Radical Acceptance; this is a concept that at first sounds like something most people would reject with an adamant WTH are you talking about. For me it was/is about breaking through the thought that by accepting something I am endorsing or approving it. However, after listening to Dr. Linehan explain it; I realized that accepting something is not approving it, and that until you accept something you cannot change it. As the video title states it is Radical and a new way of thinking for many people. Dr. Linehan also expressed that it is the one skill that people will always need to continue to work on, because acceptance is not always easy.

All in all I left the meeting feeling better; I was uplifted and saw areas where these methods could be used in my life. Although I cannot speak for my wife, emotionally she was in a much better state afterwards then she was a few hours before the meeting. Thank you @CarlDunnJr for helping to organize a Borderline Personality Disorder group here in Houston. I look forward to attending many more meetings in the future!

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  • Diane and Jim

    Dear Tracy and Tommy, I’m so happy that our paths have crossed. Your websites are terrific and we’re especially grateful that your focus is on help and hope and reaching out. We were delighted that you attended Monday night and hope you continue. Your presence and willingness to speak out gives a reality and an extra dimension to our group. Blessings on your journey together – you are not alone.
    Sincerely, Diane and Jim

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  • Brad

    Tom – I am in the Houston area and would like to learn more about this group and share some experiences. My wife was recently diagnosed with BPD after I found out about an affair she was having with a co-worker. I can relate on so many levels to your blog and really need support and guidance. Please reach out to me at the email I provided.

    • Tommy

      I sent you a direct email.

  • jill

    where and when is the support group?

    • Tommy

      You can contact Jim and Diane Hall at to get information about the group. :)

  • donald mcculley

    I really need some sort of support group to learn how to deal with this.I haven’t been on medicine (melliril ) I control it to a point.but I have such a hard time doing so that it makes me shake n keeps my head cloudy where I can’t focus or make good decisions.

  • Charlene

    I was diagnosed at 14 years old with BPD. I am now 34 and looking at my life i can see what chaos it has brought to my life. I have dealt with it on my own all the way until now but something needs to change. There is no way I can continue feeling like this for the rest of my life. I am raising my three children to the best of my ability with what tools I have but I do not believe that is enough. They deserve more. I have been searching for help for past 3 months so I hope you can lead me in the right direction for myself and my families sake. thank you.

  • Jaime

    Is this group still active? I was recently diagnosed and am looking for a support group. Thanks in advance!